Depressed?

I sit here wondering could it be that I'm depressed or just depressing? After the last month I've had I suppose no would blame me but I still feel a deep rooted sense of guilt for not being on the top of my game. Christmas is not the easiest season to be suffering the effects of grief.
I try to be supportive of my family but find that encouraging these relationships takes more energy than I have at this time.. I hope it gets better soon and that they can forgive my inability to interact at this time.
I used to feel like I was witty and even sometimes amusing but I find it hard to find something to laugh about.. I feel guilty feeling so horrible over what some would consider a small thing compared to the trials in their lives and yet I feel the same way about other people complaining.
I realize the irony in complaining about the hand I've been given while feeling anger and frustration when I see people complaining about their trials and tribulations which seem so minor and trifling compared to mine. Even the knowledge that it's a big deal to them doesn't make me feel any more compassionate. The last time this happened to me I remember my explosive rage..this time it seems to be more of a slow rolling boil. The anger never fully goes away.

To Learn

So I decided today that something I lack is the ability to manipulate my photographs. Most photographers before digital learned how to get it right in the camera and then how to make it POP in the darkroom. I have never developed film and so I feel sometimes I am far behind those who some people would call Old Fashioned. I wish I had their knowledge.
To attempt to correct this I decided to google (I swear one day Google will rule the world with how dependant we have all become on it) and learn just one new skill today for photoshop manipulation. I chose how to make a picture black and white. This would seem such a simple skill and yet I did not just want to take the colour away I wanted to learn the proper way to manipulate a photo to get the best black and white picture I could.
I would like to thank all the people out there that attempted to make a guide online for dummies like me but would like to point out that step by step instructions are pointless if I still don't know where to find the menu/choices/Palettes you speak about. Instead I stumbled across a website that explained how to isolate a colour.. so after two hours of hair pulling then an hour of figuring it all out.. this is what I'm left with.

Just Layin Around

I have realized today thanks to my son that perhaps I'm not setting the best example of how to be a get up and go personality. I learnt this when my little munchkin of four wise old years saw that I had gotten dressed and asked me where we were going. I asked him why he thought we were going anywhere and he looked at him like I had grown two heads and politely said.."because you got showered Mommy".
Who doesn't love a day where one can lay around in their PJ's all day and do as little as possible. I have come to realize with this little gem of truth however that perhaps in the last while that the PJ days have become more normal than the get up and get showered days. I also realize that perhaps I need to revise this normal so that it's not quite a shock to his system when I act like a normal Mommy should.
Here's a photo that's all about just laying around...

Life Goes On

It's been a few weeks since the nightmare of my life was so cruelly dragged before me yet again. After having felt sorry for myself for this amount of time and doing very little at all which led to feeling more depressed which led to wanting to do less I realized that I needed to break the cycle.. so I decided it was time to get out of the house.
I attended a Christmas party and other than one horrible instance where someone shouted out and brought the whole tables attention to a brand new baby in the restaurant that one of the girls knew, and made me want to cry, I managed to muddle through.
Today I decided to go take some photos and try to put some normal back in my life. Here is my favorite photo of the day.

Horrible few months

It's been a horrible few months.. I recently lost the a baby who was stillborn at 20 weeks pregnant.. for the second time. I don't know much to say other than this makes me unbearably sad and angry at the world in general.
I realize too that people just don't understand how to act around you when this happens. They are either too overly cautious and don't know how to talk to you anymore which unfortunately leads to several very uncomfortable conversations. The polar opposite to this situation is it's that they just don't get it...it's not that they are completely insensitive to your loss but they don't understand what they are saying may upset you. They feel that it's important to share with you how disappointed they are that their 20 year old got pregnant and aren't ready to be a mother. It's as if I am supposed to feel sympathy for their situation, how I should feel sorry for a 20 year old who will be able to have something I tried so hard to have and was unsuccessful. I mean seriously.. where is your filter!
Having said that said that and perhaps too much in general, for just a few short minutes ago I was saying I didn't know what to say I sure found a lot, I wonder at what has happened to me. I wonder at the injustices that occur in life.
Perhaps one of the most difficult moments for me was sitting in the doctor's office waiting to hear if they could find a reason that my baby has passed away and hearing the 20 year old female talking about how the guy at the party last night that just got out of jail was just so very hot. I would like to think that my family situation would be a better and safer life for that child and yet she will carry her child to full term no problem and I will not. I will never know my little girls, both of whom I've lost with no reason the doctors can pinpoint despite all the precautions we took.
Life isn't fair.

Minigolfing

So my son wakes up this morning and askes to play Nintendo Wii. It's early, I'm only half awake so I stumble downstairs.. get it set up and take me, my book and a cup of tea outside on the deck and I read while he plays Nintendo. Then about ten minutes later he comes out and looks at me. I ask him what he wants and he says as calm as you please... "I think you should take me to minigolf today".
This is probably the first time he's asked me to take him somewhere specific. Usually it's me running through a list of choices and him picking one.
We had a short discussion about waiting for his Daddy to wake up after his night shift and then off we went. He's getting better at playing properly but he's not quite there yet. He hits it off the start properly then he just plays hockey with it til it's in the hole then he calls it a hole in two. Silly little boy who reminds me everyday why I love him so much.

Tammy

Bad Mother?

Well I'm not sure if this qualifies me as a bad mother but I've injured my child. It sounds a lot more ominous than it actually is however. For my Father In Laws 60th birthday he gathered his little hatchlings around him. Unfortunately one couldn't attend being in a different country but the rest of us were there with our little hatchlings.
Now this Auntie decided to go show her fourteen year old soccer playing niece how it's done but quickly realizing I had no idea how to play I decided to just change the game. It soon turned into a straight up wrestling match for the soccerball. And here is where the folly started.
As we wrestled the other kids wanted to get in on the fun and started to run over to where we were. I then swung my niece around so I could get a better grip on the ball.. her feet swung out and tripped my younger niece who tripped and fell on my son. Enter Tears and crying.
As it turns out the only way to get him to stop was to put a special foot bandaid on his foot (a tenser bandage) and let him play super mario on the wii.
I've now had to take him to the doctor who sent him for an xray of his foot and I'm hoping it's not fracture since 3 days later he's still favoring it.
What a comedy of errors. Elegance nor grace have ever been used to describe me and this reminds me why.

Family

Family is in town today and I sit here and ponder what to do. I want to visit but I also want time to myself.. so the battle wages within myself as to which will take priority. I think family. I have learned recently you just never know how long that person will be around. You just never know when the unthinkable will happen so it's best to take advantage while you can. Having said that sacrificing that time alone isn't always easy. I hope you are afforded many chances to make that decision in your future.

All Alone

So my Grandma daycare decides to take the weekend and head off to see her other grandchildren. Normally this would cause a bit of scrambling to try and find someone else to take care of my son but this time she wants to take him with her. My husband and I discussed it and decide.. 3 days with no kid .. is there a downside to this.

I'm here officially to say that YES there is. About five hot seconds after he left my house I was already missing him and he wasn't even leaving town yet. He was merely spending the night at Grandma's house so that he could take off with them first thing in the morning.

The next day while he was driving I realized what it felt like to have no control. Every horrible catastrophe played through my head while I tried to convince myself I was just being a drama queen. I felt powerless and weirdly it wasn't that I was terrified something would happen to him.. I was terrified that if something DID happen to him I wouldn't be there to comfort him.. I wouldn't be there to make things just a little less scary for him. Does that make any sense.. probably not but there it is.

He of course went and hung out with his cousins and had a lot of fun doing so to the point where when I called him I kept getting dead air as an answer to my questions until he answered honestly.. "Mommy I think I'm done talking to you." There you have it, no matter how much I was sitting there missing him he was having more fun than you can imagine and that little tidbit made it all worth it for me.

I'm happy that he had fun but I'm happier he's home.

Car Show

So in the typical fashion of Murphy's Law my husband and I decide to head off the local car show in town. It's a bit gloomy out but ever the optimists we figure hey.. just means we won't sweat our butts off.

We head down to the car show and thankfully brought a couple umbrellas. Just as we arrive it starts to sprinkle. Just as it we get to where the cars are.. its starts to POUR! There we are with our cameras on our tripods and our umbrella's over those while our backs get drenched. All in all I still had a lot of fun.

Work Work Work

Here I sit looking forward to another day of work. Oh wait no I'm not. I'd much rather be at home or out taking pictures. Having said that I do enjoy my work I just enjoy being off work more.

I'm pretty sure my kid loves it when I work though. He asked me what we were doing today. I said you're going to your Mammy's (grandma's) and Mommy has to work. He mulls this over then asked, do I get to spend the night? I said yes. He practically jumps out of his skin, clapping his hands and jumping around hollering Yay! You would think this sleeping over is a once in a lifetime kind of deal based on the level of his reaction istead of a once or twice a week kind of thing. I'm happy to know he loves it there, makes going to work much easier.

Ever Wonder

Do you ever wonder what you are doing with your life? Ever just sit there and think about the many crossroads you've passed along the path of your life and what might be different if you had taken one of those instead?

My husband and I discussed that recently and it got me to thinking. I'm pretty content with my life. There isn't much I would want to change about it. Well maybe lotto numbers I picked last week. I've had some things happen to me I'd love to be different but actual choices I've made..not so much. I guess that makes me a pretty lucky girl. I can't help but wonder if I would be as happy if I made different choices. Perhaps I'd be a "career woman".. perhaps I'd be a bum. Both variations were very viable based on choices I had the chance to make. Today I am neither.. I have a career which I love but I'm not driven in the same manner that I feel a Career woman is, I sometimes don't do as much as I'd like but I'm not a lazy bum or slob either.

If anything I would say my life very much is a life of a happy medium. No extreme highs, no extreme lows and I'm very thankful for that. My life of mediocrity is a life of contentment in most cases.

A bit too much

So I take my kid to a movie.. he loves it.. doesn't stop talking about it for three weeks. I download a short story application for it on my Iphone. He watches that five minute synopsis every day for 2 more weeks. I think to myself, Great! I want to do something fun and special for him so why don't we go see that movie again. Only one little problem..the only place it's still in theatre is in 3D. Now we originally watched it in 2D so I say to myself..he's only four.. maybe it'll be too much for him in 3D. I reason with myself that he has already seen the movie so he knows it ends happy. I him and haw back and forth and finally make the decision to go for it.

You know how when some people watch a scary movie they cover their eyes but they peek between their fingers because they can't resist? That was my kid tonight. One minute he loved it.. the next he was terrified but in the end we managed to get through it and at the end he said it was GREAT! I guess count one to the good but I'm thinking it'll be awhile before we hit another 3D movie. The rest of the world may be ready for the 3D phenomenon but my four year old certainly isn't.

To the Zoo

So I take my kid to the zoo today. Why? because it's practically the first day where that yellow orb, that is generally found in the sky, was actually visible! That's right.. the sun was out for the first time in what seems like months. After touring around all the different animals I ask my son... What was your favorite part?

His Answer: The Map

That's right.. he liked the map we picked up at the front gate the best out of everything in the zoo (which I grant you was very fun to look at with all the cartoon animals on it) .. including the huge playground that he insisted on visiting three times. I think to myself, Gee, I could have saved myself the admission and just gotten him a map and then pretended to follow it somewhere! What an absolute card he is sometimes.

Had a great time though and got to play with my new camera so that makes me a happy girl.

Minigolfing

Yesterday I took my son out and did some shopping. I told him that if he was good then at the end I had a surprise for him. He did very well indeed other than the incessant request of... "can we be done now" and "can we get out of here".
True to my word I took him Minigolfing. The place we go mini golfing is a huge building that looks like a castle with two mini golf courses inside and one outside. They also have a huge arcade upstairs and a little kids arcade downstairs. Bumper cars outside and go-karts.
I'm thinking about all the stuff they have when I realize that I just missed the exit on the highway I needed to take to get there and my son pipes up in the back.. Mommy .. I thought we were going to Castle Fun Park. Have you ever tried to explain to a four year old that you made a mistake? If you haven't it's like explaining a black hole.. it's an enigma to them and they don't really fully understand but they are more than happy to tell everyone they meet about it.
After getting all turned around and arriving at Castle Fun Park we head inside. Although it's been raining all morning my son decides he wants to golf the outside course. Having never done so before I agree. We go outside with a putter that's too big for him and grass greens that are squelching with the water that still saturates them. After three attempts to hit the ball we go back inside for a club that doesn't get stuck in his armpit and go out to commence our water golfing.
We had a lot of fun but I would say that the outside course is a bit hard for him because quite a few of the holes had a building you had to hit the ball into so I don't imagine in the future we'll be doing the outside one again. I however took full advantage and although I only had my annoying little point and shoot with me I took a few pictures.
One of a slug who decided to share the golf greens with us, many of my son including the hole in one he got and a couple randoms of the stuff surrounding the course.

Blogging about Nothing

Here I sit with nothing to blog about. I am not at work because my voice is going and it disappears at will with no warning and so I sit squeaking worse than a mouse who's had his cheese stolen. Although my job requires a voice for 100% of the work I do I feel guilty because I'm not feeling that bad. Ho Hum.

Onwards and upwards however I hope to get a good night sleep, probably by sleeping in the spare room so I don't keep my husband up with the snoring I develop when I am ill and he doesn't keep me up because again when I'm ill I'm a light sleeper. I say when I'm ill because generally speaking a bomb could go off beside my head I would sleep right through it.

Speaking of which here's an odd trivia fact.. I can sleep though just about anything...except my son making a peep. It doesn't have to be a loud peep. I wake up hearing him sneeze from two rooms away. I wonder why that wakes me up but almost nothing else does.

This probably falls under the same crazy Mom laws for the same reason I have to check him at night before I go to bed and if I wake up at any point I need to check him again. I don't know what I check him for. I understand logically that there is really no reason to check him. I realize logically that there is little to no chance that were he to just stop breathing for some reason it's not likely going to be in the 2 seconds I am in his room and I just happen to be checking on him. But logical doesn't come into play when it comes to this. I have tried to just go back to sleep and instead lay there tossing and turning until I haul my fanny back outta bed, tippy toe down the hallway and check. Then I return to my bed and fall asleep in five seconds flat.

Well for not having anything to blog about I sure managed to type a lot. Sweet dreams to everyone out there.

Why a Sore Throat

Here I am after a few dreary days off where I hid from the rain as much as possible and now that I am headed back to work what do I get? A sore throat. I don't look sick.. I don't sound overly sick but I can barely swallow. The question..suck it up and head into work or play the pansy and stay home. Now generally I'm all for staying home if you are sick as I work in a field where nobody wants to share your cold and you earn hate points for spreading it around to the masses. Today however I just can't justify not going in..I just don't feel sick. At least as long as I don't eat or drink or talk. Oh wait...I do a LOT of that at work. hrmmmm

Well I went in anyways. Possibly not the smartest decision in life but it was one of the girls on my watch's last day with us before the watch change so I wanted to be there. I wanted more junk food. Here is the fun part: With a pocket full of Halls and Chloraseptic I headed in. I have never used Chloraseptic before and if you are the same I gotta say right now.. I Heart Chloraseptic spray. Instant relief from a sore throat pain. The only side affect is not being able to feel your tongue either haha.

I bumbled my way through another day of work and now I'm at home trying not to talk and wondering if this potential cold is going to go away and come at me with the vengeance only a bad cold can instate.

I hardly feel that a cold at any time of year is great but one in the spring is just plain mean. Here's a picture of some of the mountains around the area in our chilly and wet spring so far.

Change is Change

Today is a sad day and a great day all wrapped into one. There is a bit of a shake up at work and some of the people who work with me are moving to a different watch a couple new people are joining my crew. The sad part loosing two of my "gang" who love to torment each other at every turn and the freedom that comes knowing they won't be offended by pretty much anything you say. A crew where we feel free to talk about everything from leg waxing to the crazy things our kids get up to what the latest tv show or movie we watched is.

The great part.. the amazing Barbeque we threw together for lunch. We had BBQ hotdogs with all the fixings, BBQ potato, yam and carrots cooked in butter in tinfoil packets, potato skins, an asian salad, ice cream sandwhiches, peanut butter cookies and banana berry muffins, chips and then, as if my waist wasn't already expanding exponentially as it was, we had cake. The cake was a double layer cake with one chocolate layer and whi layer.. icing with a super yummy jam in the middle and Nutella on top... mmmmmmm Nutella. What's better than Chocolate that you can pretend is a healthy breakfast spread.. it's still chocolate!

I rolled my way out of work today and was almost horrified to hear that my four year old wanted a speacial treat for dinner. That special treat turned out to be McDonalds. I almost said no but hey whats an extra five pounds gained in a single day so why not! I'd like to admit I used a touch of restraint and had a happy meal instead of a full size meal however it wasn't restraint at all. I just wanted a second Shrek toy for my kid.

Since no one should have to see a photo of me filling my face I decided instead to post a picture of something much cuter that was having a snack.

Camera Club

It's pouring rain again. I think the weather is purposely conspiring to keep me in the house which is slowly driving me insane. The good news is there is Camera Club tonight. I love getting out of the house and just rubbing elbows with other people who know what they are doing as I try to glean information off of them. I love trying to experiment with things that they teach.

One such lesson that we recently had was distorted reflections with mylar.. check out the results.

Weeds

Today my husband and I went outside to clear the weeds from the flower garden. After watching him in action I now understand why so many of my flowers didn't come up this year. I'm afraid that my loving husband needs a class in botany. That or he just doesn't believe that anything except tulips are flowers and in that tone he has now removed everything that didn't look like a tulip from the flower garden. Goodbye Peony bushes I'll miss you and goodness knows what else was sacrificed to his efficiency..

Baking

My son and I did some baking today. He asked to make cupcakes.. I said sure..then looked in the fridge..no eggs. Note to self check ingredients before agreeing next time. Not one to break his heart I explained that Mommy had run out of eggs so before we could bake the cupcakes we had to run to the grocery store. With all the logic of a four year old he advised me that he didn't want to go grocery shopping, he wanted to make cupcakes. Insert long conversation about how ingredients make things and so we need them BEFORE we can make the cupcakes.

I haul my lazy butt out of the chair I had planned to spend most of my day sitting in and get ready to go downtown with him. Now the ultimate choice.. which grocery store to go to.. the one with the racecar cart or the one with the rocketship cart because when you have to convince the four year old to go it's best to go to one he's going to like. Turns out he had a hankering for dodging Meteors so it's off to the store with the Rocketship cart today.

I find it funny when you go out in public with an exhuberant child. Most days my son is pretty mellow and so he doesn't draw a lot of attention but today he was in full on blasting mode making sure to save the earth from the dangerous meteors. Now I would say 95% of people hear him chattering about how he is going to blast the meteors and how he tells me to turn left or right so the meteor misses us and they laugh at how cute he is having fun. Invariably however there is always the one grumpy shopper. The one who doesn't understand kids and doesn't understand why people can't keep their kids under control.

To this person I state, I apologize that your can't find happiness in the innocence of childhood fun but that I'm not stopping my kid from having fun while he can. There will come a time in his life when this type of behaviour will no longer be "cool" when he'll be expected to be professional and until that time I hope he enjoys every moment of blissful innocence he can. I relish the days where his biggest problem in life is what to have for a snack granola bar or crackers and why the wing keeps falling off his dragon. And I hope that for that grumpy shopper out there they have a chance to feel like a kid again and remember what it feels like to be that happy.

After mixing the cupcakes and pouring them into the cupcake pan we put them in the oven to cook. Fifteen lifetimes later, or in adult time fifteen minutes, the timer goes off and we take the cupcakes out. Once again insert long conversation about why you can't decorate the cupcakes with icing and sprinkles right away. So begins the longest hour... the hour where icing and food colouring and sprinkles and icing pens wait to be used by deft little hands that..well lets face it aren't so deft. Every 5 minute increment being filled with several inquiries as to whether the cupcakes are cool or not yet. But eventually they are cool. Each cupcake gets it's own unique decoration job. After all that hard work and two cupcakes later his tummy is full and he's a happy boy, which makes me a happy mommy.

May Long Weekend

It's always sort of been an ongoing joke in my family that in the town that I was raised you always pack snowsuits and shorts on the May Long Weekend. Once again this year it's been proven that the old adage is true. My mom spoke with me today and told me that it has gone from Sunny and warm with them out camping to them having over a foot of snow in the last two days.

Needless to say the camping trip is off and they are back at home hoping the snowplows will find their way to their rural property soon.

Meanwhile here at home my son and I are singing along on Itunes to a bunch of kids music we have for him, classics like the farmer in the dell and B. I. N. G. O when he looks at me and says I need to turn the music off. I ask him why he calmly tells me he wants to hear the "Rain Song". Sure enough I look outside and it's pouring rain. I gave him permission and he opened the door and listened to the rain and the birds cheeping for a minute or two. What a kid.

At Home

Sitting at home with my kidlet and the sun came out for a while between rain storms. I thought I would try to take advantage of it since goodness knows how long it will be until I see that bright orb they call the Sun again. Not having the energy to actually travel or hike anywhere I decided to take advantage of what's in my own yard for once. As it turns out my roses are in bloom. I love my rose bushes but by far and away my favorite one is right by my front door. It's a tiny little thing only about 3 feet tall and 2 feet at it's widest point but the colour of the buds is gorgeous. A deep crimson red which I see rarely but when I do I always love.

Even as I finished taking the picture the sun once again retreated behind the clouds. No more attempts to get the picture I want for now.

Men and Facial Hair

My husband tells me he wants to grow a full beard. I tried to tell him he's crazy! A goatee yes, a mustache okay but a full beard? Don't get me wrong I think a man has to have the right to decide ones look the same way a woman does.. you just have to be willing to accept the consequences. I'm not sure he's completely weighed out the consequences based on the simple fact that the woman he loves.. and yes that's me...HATES full beards. Here's to hoping I can knock some sense into him.. or at least find a way to shave it off in his sleep.

Nothing Clever

Well here I sit with nothing clever to say. I wish I could say I did but alas nonetheless here I sit. Perhaps tomorrow inspiration with strike and I'll find something.

Nothing much happened today. Went to work to once again save the world one call at a time. Had to yell at someone which wasn't the highlight of my day but I think I got the point across that I would love to help providing they would stop talking long enough to listen to the solution. It amazes me why that is so hard and yet each day it's proven it is. Once again proving that a person can be smart but people are dumb.

Irony

I'm sitting here thinking about Irony... Irony in all it's glory. I see it every day and yet it always seems to sneak up on us. It's there in Hockey when a team that barely makes it to the playoffs has already eliminated two opponents that should have beat them instead. It's there in the Biggest Loser where a competitor eats his way to weight gain instead of weight loss.

What makes this happen I don't know. Why in the world I am thinking about it is an even greater mystery. Perhaps it's the disappointment in the simple things like looking forward to a photo excursion and due to weather it happening when you can't attend.

Boy...how philosophical can a person get.

On that note I'll commence my nightly ritual of getting ready for bed and hope that irony chooses another house to sleep at this evening. Perhaps I may even find a way to bridge the gap that irony introduces and continue about my day tomorrow as expected. In that tone I've attached a photo of a big old iron bridge...okay it's neither old nor is it probably constructed from iron but I'll pretend it is for convienence sake.

Headed Home

Well we had a good visit with my inlaws in Oregon. Nobody strangled anyone else which let's admit is a successful weekend for most families. We drove back home today and while there wasn't a lot to take pictures of since what was already a long day would only get longer if we stopped, I did manage to sneak a couple pictures through the window of the vehicle while driving. Well while my husband was driving, even I'm not that crazy!

I am however exhausted now and so I will add my picture here and promptly get ready for bed.

Oregon Trails

Today we went out on one of the walking trails near my inlaws. It was quite pretty there beside the river and I took a couple pictures. What I'm trying to figure out why my sister in law and husband enjoy "argueing". I swear that they take the opposite side on every matter they discuss just so they can disagree. Let's just take for example that the sky is blue. I'd give details of the actual conversations but they include everything from religion to faith to what's for dinner but that would be sure to offend someone so we'll stick with the sky.
If one of them starts that conversation I'm sure the other would reply with... well actually it's not blue it's the reflection of the sun against the water particles in the air that give it a bluish cast..while the other would reply well actually I believe it's blue because of the pollution particles in the air and that the sun bounces off the sea and provides that blue appearance. Now as a disclaimer I don't actually believe that either of these arguements are valid and nor did they actually occur but I'm pretty sure that if it did that's how it would go down. It's enough to just make a person want to stand up and screech who cares! unless I'm wrong you are both agreeing that that sky is bloody blue! I swear over the weekend that I've heard them argue both sides of many arguements both ways depending on who starts it.
What's worse is that they are enjoying themselves and I'm trying to figure out why I'm here listening to it.

Our Trip

Well I haven't been on for a few days because I'm on holidays. That's right that illusive time we all cherish every year and can't seem to get enough of. That time when work is just a four letter word and relaxing is the name of the game. This time we took a couple days off at home and puttered around the area taking just a couple pictures and then headed down to Oregon in the United States to visit some family.

It's great to see our nephews who are growing so very fast. My son is loving the chance to run around and play like a boy with his cousin. The poor boy is normally surrounded by a pack of girl cousins who are the delicate and dainty flowers they should be.. Okay that's so not true but they still aren't the rough and tumble boy style of play he's enjoying now. And while he loves his girl cousins to bits and pieces I think he's revelling in the blaster shooting and dinosaur wars that he has found today.

The sun is out and we're foot loose and fancy free. My husband set me loose in a mall with an unlimited spending budget which meant the longer I was there the more scared he became. He was lucky however and I came home with one pair of shoes that cost less than fifteen dollars. Now for all my fellow shoe lovers you'll know and understand how restrained I was.

And for all the husbands out there you'll know how happy mine was!

Birthday Present

Went to a birthday party today and it turns out that although it wasn't my birthday I ended up getting a present too! A great opportunity to take pictures of an eagle thanks to the farmer behind the house tossing around the fresh cut hay that's been drying overnight with his tractor. Now I don't know much about farming but I'm assuming by moving it into lines for pick up by the hay bailers that this uncovers the critters hiding underneath. AKA prime food picking for the birds.. and prime photographic opportunities.

To the park

Took my son to a park in the neighborhood today. This particular park has a large pond or small lake depending on if you are a glass half full or half empty kinda person right smack dab in the middle of it. This leads to there being a lot of ducks and geese that have decided to call this home. Now if you can stomach walking over grass that is sometimes more poop than grass it can be a lot of fun.

Generally the geese in the park are there are the Canadian Geese but today we saw one that was different and being a newcomer he didn't fully understand our right to join him in the park. After hissing at my son he was dubbed the "Angry Goose" and we went our way to find a more receptive crowd.

A bit of a disappointment

Today was a bit of a disappointment. My husband and I decided to go and try to find a new place to take pictures. No dice, where we went turned out to be a big dud. So in true explorer fashion we began following along the road and we ended up getting lost. Out came the Iphone and we figured out where we were, a few minutes later we ended up coming out by in one of my newer favorite places so we just be-bopped in there instead. Only one problem.. not exactly the best time for taking pictures there. Mid afternoon with the sun directly overhead all the birds were hiding, harsh lighting and wind blowing the water from the smooth sheet of glass for great reflection shots to a choppy mess that reflected too much light in too choppy a way to make for a pretty picture. Foiled again!

Having said that I did manage to sneak off a decent photo or two but was sadly disappointed in the majority. Days like today I'm glad I shoot digital.. at least it won't cost me anything to discard them.

Photos are greater than sleep

Got off work this morning and on the way home I had the potential for a beautiful sunrise. Only problem is .. I'm exhausted.. what to do...

Well let's be honest that's hardly a decision to make. I just hopped out of my truck, pulled out my tripod and took some photos anyways. I am pretty sure every person on the road between the hours of 0600hrs and 0700hrs this morning were scratching their heads wondering who in the right mind is out taking photos on the side of the road at that time of morning. The answer is simple.. ME.

I managed to get a couple decent photos even those my pretty sunrise never materialized. The clouds were just a slight bit too low to provide a break between the mountains and the sun for the rays to shine through. Having said that I managed to get some pretty colours off clouds in the opposite direction and joy of all joys the eagles came to play.

First I saw what appeared to be a juvenile bald eagle who had obviously caught a rat or some similar rodent for breakfast and when the other eagles flew decided to find a less obvious location to consume his meal. I managed to get a slightly blurry photo of him because I was still getting set up but it's creepy because you can see the whole shape of the poor little critter.

Once he had moved on that opened up the tree for a pair of bald eagles who sat there posing for me. All in all a great sacrifice of pictures over sleep. This time at least it was worth it.

Rain Rain Go Away

Another day of rain on and off. I suppose overall it doesn't matter all that much since I have to work anyways but I'm so sick of the rain and the hail we've been getting. How is a girl supposed to get out to practice when the weather is like this. For over a week now I've been itching to get more. I really hope we have a decent summer like we had last year. I wasted so much of it being inside and being lazy and this year when I actually have the drive and desire to get out...voila.. bad weather.

Someone please have a chat with Mother Nature and tell her to send me some sun!

Here is a photo just keep my hopes up of getting out...

Went to the Wetlands

I went to the Wetlands near my home today after work. I thought after my first visit there with all the geese and the mist and the beauty of what I saw there I was certain to get a couple of really great pictures of the geese. One problem...when I got there there wasn't a goose in sight. Even the best laid plans....

Never one to admit defeat I attempted to catch a picture of the swallows in flight as it was feeding time there were about fifty all swooping and diving across the surface of the lake. Now I don't know if you have ever gotten a picture of a swallow, or perhaps more relevant to you is whether you would even care to try but I gotta say..yowsers those are some fast birds!!

I am pretty sure that if anyone had a video camera they would have been laughing off more than just their butts because there I am whirling around my tripod trying not to fall on my face or over the edge of the overlook while trying to track these manic little birds with my zoom lense in the attempt to freeze their movement. I would just like to state now, on the record, that it's going to take someone who's a lot more photographer than me to catch a great action shot of one of those little suckers.

I ended up with a photo.. that's the best I can say for it. It's not great ..heck I doubt most people would even be able to guess the type of bird in it..it's more like a blur with two wings. Maybe next time I head out I'll have better luck...but then again.. I think not!

Attached is a photo of the geese from my first visit since I didn't get a decent one this trip. I wonder what the weather will be like for my days off and perhaps I can get out in the morning again instead.

Dreams?

Have you ever had a dream? Something you wanted to more than anything else in life? Well I am happy for you if you have but that's just so not me. I've never truly known what I wanted to do, I've sort of just bumped along the path of life with no real aims other than to succeed...at what you ask? At whatever I was doing at the time.

One thing that has always remained constant is that I loved to take pictures. Perhaps my heart has thought Photography is my dream all along while my head has always said that's just not a responsible choice and therefore discounted it. I truly don't know even to this day. What I do know is that I enjoy it. I am satisfied when I get the shot I was trying for and I feel a true pride in my work when others like it. I get angry when I miss the shot or make an error that in turns ruins the photo.

What I hope to do now is learn enough to actually be able to one day be considered successful. What the true measure of that will be even I don't know. Once again I'll bump along the road and hope the people I meet along the way assist me in defining that.